Twitter forces me to think structurally about the way I present my thoughts. Limiting the amount of characters, every tweet needs to be a fully fledged thought. This is why that platform is perfect for presenting my autoethnographical accounts of visiting a church.
When I'm writing this, it has been a couple of days since I visited the church service I intend to write about. I visited the Willem de Zwijgerkerk in Amsterdam Zuid on the 15th of May, 11 days ago. Service was from 10.00 until roughly 11.30. Listen here:
Method: autoethnography in a positive critical manner
Before I go on with my reflection, some words on method. As indicated before, this is an autoethnographic account. More on that here:
The manner in which I present this autoethnography will be following the sense of critique as Graham Harman described it. During his lecture on Speculative Realism, from 27:30 onwards (see video below), Graham Harman talks about two senses of critique. One sense that reduces the thing you’re talking about, the other sense elevates the thing you’re talking about.
Examples for the last one are wine criticism, art criticism, literary criticism, theatre criticism. In those forms of critique, the wine tasted becomes much more, much richer than a naive 'reading' (tasting) can account for. This is the sense I want to do my autoetnography.
Why? We're dealing with religious experience. Religious experience deals with the sacred, the forms of life which are 'set apart' either immanently or transcedently, but these are experiences deserving of treatments that do not reduce the experience but elevate the experience.
My approach in this particular autoethnography is thus a rhetorical form investigating (or reflecting on) my autistic experience of going to a church service while elevating the meaning of that experience through that rhetorical form in the sense of a positive critique.
Church service
The church service visited on the 15th of May was a Cantate, meaning the service was mainly devoted to singing of songs. The order of the service can be found attached.
Welcoming
One of the most prominent ways in which my autism is inhibiting my regular functioning in society is a stumbling block that presents itself when confronted with new situations. This means that for my autistic experience, the first moments of entering a church are crucial.
In this church, there was a welcoming committee present handing out the order of service and the 'Liedboek', this meant a relatively soft landing in the church service. While going for a seat someone noticed I was already writing furiously which led him to make contact with me.
The fact I am present as a researcher (which was announced through a mailing notification) influenced the manner I was approached by one of the members of this church at the beginning of the service. This is therefore not representative of the experience of a regular visitor.
My biographical history also influences my experience. I have been raised as a protestant (mainly pentecostal) christian, meaning that this church service still felt like coming home to my 'tribe'. These facts reduced the level of discomfort I could have had considering my ASD.
Liturgy: music
The service I attended was a service devoted to singing which led me to reflect on the way music is a universal practice abolishing borders between different kinds of people, including borders between neurodivergent and neurotypical people.
For my philosophy courses, I once wrote a paper on the way in which music is a pathway to the Absolute. Unfortunately, I don't have access to this paper anymore, but in it I argued referring to Kierkegaard that as a poetical device, music is mostly apt to 'get' to the Absolute.
This is a reflection on a theoretical manner, but maybe it can be extended to practice. Music can theoretically be a pathway to the Absolute, meaning it can in practice be a universal pathway to a sacred (therefore religious) experience. Not dealing with people, but with God.
Although it has to be noted people with ASD can experience sensory overload when musical elements in a liturgy are practiced, it should also be noted children with ASD are reported to have "a strong appreciation for music."
Putting this aside and getting back to the church service, one thing that made my autism peak during the church service was the fact that the order of service was not followed to the letter. At least in two instances, the order was mistakenly jumbled up.
Now, seeing as this was a mistake, the elder and pastor during this service can be forgiven, but the fact that it happened and the way it was dealt with effected a great deal of discomfort stemming from my autistic condition.
It might have gone unnoticed if the sermon was the central point, but the church service was very heavy on liturgy. This is not surprising given this pastor is specialized in liturgy, specifically hymnology.
Sermon, metaphor and translation
The sermon circled around a poem by Jean Pierre Rawie: Ritueel. The pastor explained this poem as being a poem on mourning. In my notes I wrote down that the sermon was delivered in accessible language, listening back to the sermon I agree with my notes.
People on the spectrum sometimes report to struggle with obfuscating methaphorical language which is why sermons could form a stumbling block if pastors choose to play with language, therefore I was attentive towards the kind of language used.
I, however, am not a literalist in that sense, though I do sometimes see a literal interpretation quicker than a metaphorical interpretation. Watching a movie which is high on symbolism is still not always something I'm quite able to do.
This sermon circled around a poem and I do have some trouble with those forms of art, a trouble which could be related to the aforementioned characteristic of my autistic brain.
The preacher in this sermon explained the poem which leads me to the following reflection: a preacher is a translator also (or maybe especially) geared towards those who do not hold the keys to the obscure language.
Clergy in western churches (except for pentecostal and some fringe churches) usually have already some education in translating scripture. They are translating Hebrew and Greek to the vernacular. In practice, they also translate the Beyond towards the mundane.
My argument would be that the Beyond (or Sacred, or Absolute, or Sublime) can be found in poetry, but it can be inaccessible for someone on the spectrum (though I do believe many more are hindred in their interpretation) and now the preacher has the task to translate this.
After the service: social aspect revisited
We’re nearing the end of this autoethnographical account. We started with some notes on the welcome practices, went on with notes on liturgy and sermon, I will end this reflection with some notes on the after-service practices.
As already stated, being a researcher influenced my experience. The fact that I announced my arrival influenced my experience of the traditional coffee and tea moment at the end of the service, given someone who read my announcement walked up to me to talk about what I do.
It was a nice talk, given he had studied theology at the VU once and he noted nothing had changed materially since he studied at the main building. If he would not have started a conversation, I would probably quickly have fled this social situation.
It didn't help that the attendees of this church were mostly of my grandparents age, but still: walking up towards someone and starting a conversation is really not an easy thing to do, especially given my form of autism.
Church is a community. Members of the church form the Body of Christ. There is no functioning of a stomach, eye or brain outside of a body, every member has a role to play. Lacking the regular social functioning it can feel like veins are clogged towards other parts in the body.
Research reports neurodivergent people are leaving the church at a higher rate compared to neurotypical people. Church, especially in the Netherlands, already suffers heavily in terms of secularization. This means that thinking about these inhibitions is very important.
This is my first autoethnographical account of a church visit, in which I reflected on the role of music, the role of the pastor and the social aspect surrounding a church service. Next account might be even more rich, considering I have undertaken some interviews with pastors.
Global tags:
#autism #ASD #neurodiversity #faithcommunities #faith #religion #religiousstudies #autoethnography
Oorspronkelijk getweet door DeclaNater (@DeNater) op mei 26, 2022.
De Nater 